Inside our home was not so nice. Our manic-depressive grandmother lived with us, my father was very busy being a minister and my mother was very busy being a minister's wife. Her pregnancy and birth of my brother who is three years younger than me, and the other stress factors in her life made her have no time or patience for her small children. Under those circumstances she was harsh with us both verbally and physically. It was not a safe environment to grow up in, so I think that's why I was away from home so often. Being the minister's daughter, I was looked at and judged upon my behavior and comments were sent back to my mother. But I was usually a very obedient, shy but outwardly happy child, so there was not much to complain about. I think my deep love for nature and the outdoors stems from that time. On the other hand, my sense of independence, my wish for solitude and not wanting to be judged upon appearance also has its roots there... I loved being by myself and being left to my own thoughts and fantasies. Needless to say I loved fairy tales and imagined fairies and other fantasy creatures living in our garden and my dolls coming alive at midnight and all. I was always the one that made up the little games we played as little boys and girls.
I loved our country school and I loved my kindergarten and first grade teacher. My first grade teacher was my role model and boy, was I happy I could follow in her footsteps, later. So I was able to find the love I did not get inside our home outside, at school, in my friends' homes. Being an impressionable, sensitive girl, I felt deeply for the families in sorrow and my father and mother often took me along on their social visits. I went where no classmates ever went. And I felt a great love and compassion for the people that were worse off in life.
Being a Minister, my father was expected to move from one community to another, and there were times when church board members from other communities would visit him at his church and come to visit our house on Sundays. Men dressed in stiff black suits with stern and solemn appearances and cigars, lots of cigars. My father and mother would be tensed and wanted to make a good impression. We had to be at our very best behavior and had to make ourselves scarce afterwards and be very silent. Which is what we tried to do, left by ourselves. With no adult supervision in the unheated dining room and kitchen we sat waiting until we were needed or called in to make another 'appearance'. One of these visits resulted in a new 'vocation' for my father. We moved away from our rural community to the immense big city of Amsterdam.
I loved new experiences, so I looked forward to our move, expecting another welcoming community, like the one I left behind. But it was different. The big city was very big. The school I attended was large, with many children. Big city children that were indifferent to this shy girl with her funny accent. Children did not live at farms anymore but in four story houses with dark, narrow stairs. But I accepted it without comments. And I made a few new friends. The city, the traffic, the houses everywhere impressed me. Even though it was one of the greener areas in Amsterdam, to me it was bricks all around. After one year we moved again, this time to another part of Amsterdam, but to another new school. A friendlier school with nicer classmates. A large apartment, on the second, third and fourth floor of a block of houses. We lived at the side of a canal, my brothers were allowed to buy a canoe. We were allowed to have a dog. I started breeding tame white mice and guinea pigs. And I had more girlfriends, again. Some of who were not so well behaved and we took to some city-like elementary school mischief. For which we were punished severely if it came out. Again, I spent most of my time away from home, or at my own little attic room with the tiny little window. I had to climb on my desk to be able to look out.
These were busy, eventful years. But one of the main events we would be looking forward to would be the visit of my grandfather, Grandpa Frits, my mother's father, who would come to our house again, now that our manic-depressive grandmother moved to a home for the elderly. He would take us out shopping, and out on little trips to the zoo, to the city, away from home for a couple of days. Those were happy times. It was very sad that the last trip he took with us ended so badly. When we drove home, we had a car crash that changed our lives. It still has its influence upon our lives. I was 12, my younger brother was nine and my grandfather was 71. I made a page about it at my site. My grandfather died a month after the accident, while we were still at the hospital. My brother had severe brain damage and I had fractures and injuries that still have their effect on my life today. Our family was torn apart, my parents were devastated and we were in a hospital 150 miles away from home for a little less than 3 months. Our lives have never been the same. When I went back to school after 7 months I was not fully healed, my face was scarred and my eyes were wise. My schoolmates looked at me in awe and shied away. I never really managed to make a 'rapport' with my peers and I had to repeat my first year in high school.
Slowly, slowly I grew into my adolescent years. It was the 60's and 70's and the world was changing. The young generation was taking its place into society, also in the Netherlands, very much so in Amsterdam. My father worked at a large social and clerical big city project for the young adolescents in different parts of the city. He was one of a more liberal group of Ministers that tried to cope and live with the student demonstration spirit of the time and tried to communicate with the younger generation at large. But not at home.
I graduated from high school and decided I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to live by myself, like my classmates at the teachers training college did. My parents however, persuaded me to stay at home and live at the top floor of our house, sharing it with my elder brother (my eldest brother moved away from home when he was 17 and lived with his girlfriend and her mother). So I stayed another year, to move out when I was 18. I was still a studious and obedient girl, but with a great longing for freedom, independence and responsibility. I started dating at high school and now that I was away from home, I fell in love with a boy of my brother's student society that I joined. It was a Christian society again, and although we both lived away from home, his parents had a big influence on us. It was the time when young people tried to live together before getting married, but his parents would not allow us. So we were forced into a marriage at 20 (and 21 for him) when we were no where near ready for it. Needless to say that the marriage did not last long, I was way too young to make a big decision like that and it ended very soon in a very painful divorce for both of us at a very young age. In the mean time I had successfully finished my teachers training and was studying Education at the university. But I had to stop that and earn my own money, as I was on my own as of the divorce. I was a disgrace to my backgrounds and I decided that I would be earning my own living as of then and be independent. Guided by Marilyn French and the Women's Lib movement, and supported by colleagues of the special ed school I found a job at. The spirit of the time worked in my favor.
That year I made my first trip to the US. It was the year of the Bicentennial and that trip changed my life. Rather than being the victim of my background and my divorce, I was judged by the people I met for who I was and I was greeted with openness and friendliness. The shame and guilt I carried with me into the plane was washed away by the understanding I met on the way. I will be forever grateful to my American pen pals, that have moved forward into their own lives since, but have put me on my feet again and restored my sense of self.
When I came back to Holland after 6 weeks, I was a different person,
ready to start a new permanent job and to live my own life, independently.
I did so, getting up, falling down again but slowly growing up and upwards.
The spirit of the world had caught me, I wanted to be independent, open-minded
and not judge people at their background or race or behavior. I have traveled
through life and experienced many things since. I have loved and was loved.
I have married and been unmarried. I have left and was left. I have sought
refuge and I have given shelter. I have helped and was helped. I have traveled,
lived and worked amongst and with people of different religions in our
own and other countries. I consider myself very fortunate to have been
able to experience and live it all. Some people say that at 46 I have lived
more lives than one person ordinarily does in one life. I don't know about
that, I only know my own. But I do know that I came to be what I am this
way. And I do know that I do not want to judge or be judged by appearance.
And still I want to be independent, and I still love being by myself and
alone and the spirit of the child that I described for you is still very
much part of me. And I am still learning. Now, confined to a less active
life due to the after-effects of the accident, I found a different world
on the internet. I am at the threshold of a new stage in my life, less
able, "physically challenged" to put it into a modern term. But still
mentally agile and eager to learn new things. And still not willing
to be bound by petty rules and regulations, artificial man-made rankings
or awards.... As I feel the biggest award that can be achieved lies in
life itself and its rules come from your own loving heart and your own
inner spirit that is connected to the bigger Spirit of all. The spirit
that some call God, the Goddess, Allah, YAHWEH, Vishnu, Buddha and all
the other mentionable and unmentionable names and in this I am willing
to grow and live eternally...
These are some things that Karin's Friends had to share about her!
Karin was submitted by Pamela Yax who had this to say about her:
Karin is a sister who takes the time to send wonderful greetings through
email with messages of hope and joy, and manages to brighten everyone's
day on a regular basis. Many times I was motivated or cheered by her thoughtful
greetings. She is an Angel Mom to Sean, a Canadian teenager, and she maintains
beautiful web pages for him. She is an active member of her region, and
is always the first to give support and good wishes to her regional sisters.
Karin is someone I only know through LOTH...but I value her friendship
and consider myself lucky to be her sister in LOTH.
Elfie has only the nicest things to
say about Karin. I was asked to write something about one of the
first Ladies that joined region 24. This is kind of difficult because
Karin is one of the girls I adore very much and to find all the words that
will give her justice some kind of hard for me as my English is to poor
to explain it the way I would love to. I know what hard and
difficult times this girl has had to go through.
She is such a strong Lady, a caring and loving
soul and my region would miss one of their greatest girls if she wouldn't
be there for us when ever we need her. No matter if someone is hurt
or sad, Karin is always there for us giving us advice and showing her love
and always willing to help. All the Ladies in the south European area love
her dearly and as I said, I adore and love her very much.
I'm proud to see that our Karin is a woman
of LOTH and proud to have such a great girl as my sister and friend.
I will treasure this friendship for the rest of my life. Thank you
Karin for what you are and all you do to make our region a great place
to come and share our friendship and for all the smiles you give to all
of us.
Harriet is also a close friend of Karin
and had many wonderful things to say about her. To me Karin is very
special. I became a member of Ladies of the Heart, Region #24, last
November. I had only just got introduced to the Internet and everything
was very new to me. After I had introduced myself to my new group
of friends I found out that Karin actually lived quite close to me and
we arranged to meet. Two other Loth Ladies, also within reach [Holland
is a small country] and I arrived at Karin’s doorstep. All of us
were a little nervous as meeting on line is different than meeting in person
but there was no need for nerves. We had a wonderful afternoon, with the
smell of fresh coffee, fragrant candles, with tea and delicious tidbits
and with lots of talk and laughter. Four new found friends happy
to be together.
And as far as Karin and I are concerned, there
was a sort of instant recognition, as if we had met before, some time,
some where, some how. We arranged to meet again, as I desperately
needed help with PSP and all sorts of things on the Net. So, at first
our meetings were mostly in front of her PC and she showed me the ropes
on Internet. Then we started to talk about ourselves and that very
soon, became much more important than the Computer or Internet, or LOTH
even.
We meet regularly now for coffee and chats,
for sun in her lovely garden or warmth in her cozy living room. We
meet to talk about things that bother us or that make us happy. We
sit and talk and share, because we became real life friends.
Henny Plat had this to say about Karin. I’ve known her a little over a year now and I really think the world of her! She is a friend who knows when to listen, when to talk and when to act. That is saying it short. She has really been there for me, when I needed someone to listen to me, or to help me see things more clear. She has been through a lot and I admire her for how she is handling her life and how she is looking at life Furthermore she is a real artist, last year I didn't know a thing about making a homepage, and she listened to my ideas, told me how to do some things that I could do myself, and then created my dream page for me. When you come to her house you feel so welcome. Her house is sort off a cocoon; filled with warmth and love, but when she thinks you are doing something that is not right or that could hurt others she is not afraid to tell you. She is a real loving human being and I am so proud we are friends. Like me, she loves Tolkien and that says something about her; loyalty, friendship, strength. Those values you see in her to. If I would have to compare her to a Tolkien character it would be Aragorn and that says it all for me.
The following comments are from Doni-Marie
Oliver. I met her online after I first joined Ladies of the Heart
when she wrote to me about a prayer request I had posted in the tidbits.
She was so caring and supportive, and I was to later learn that this was
just part of the nature of who she is.
We wrote a few more times and began to learn
that each of us had some health problems we were trying to live beyond.
We learned we both had an abiding love for nature and animals, and for
magical things like fairies. As we chatted, I learned even more about who
she was deep inside.
Karin is strong in her sense of loyalty to
her friends. She treasures her friendships, pours herself body and soul
into these relationships. Sometimes this makes her vulnerable, and I have
seen her hurt, but I know she would not change it, and I am glad, for it
is her trusting heart that makes her all the more precious a friend to
have.
She has a deep sense of compassion and caring,
a spirit of giving and nurturing, that shows in the things she does and
says. She is a teacher, and I don't mean just by profession, but inherently
-- for she is always willing to help others learn and grow -- and I think
this is because of her own thirst for knowledge, understanding and growth.
She is always learning something new and always with child-like abandon
and wonder. You cannot help to know her and it not spill into your own
life. She never judges others, and tries to never say anything unkind
about anyone -- even those who have hurt her she defends. This loving attitude
towards others was the first thing I noticed and so greatly admired about
her. She is strong and courageous, though she would never admit it.
She is so cheerful through things that would probably stop others dead
in their tracks, but she has a need to overcome and become that I think
comes from her will for independence. She believes in getting up after
a fall, and going on. She is one of my heroes.
I could go on and on. She is talented, persevering,
uplifting to be around, and a hundred other things that make a person of
exceptional character. But for me I can sum her up in two words -- "friend"
and "angel" -- for both of these she has been for me time and time again.
It has become ever more a pleasure and a privilege to call her my friend
-- my 'sister-by-choice'.
‘Country Granny’ or Judy also had some
nice things to say about Karin. Karin is one of the best friend's that
I have ever met on the internet. She is always there for me or anyone that
needs her. Karin knows how to brighten everyone’s day with her loving and
caring ways.
Now, don't think that if push comes to shove, she won't tell you what
she thinks. She is strong in her belief's and has respect for everyone.
It doesn't matter what creed, color or religion you are, she is there for
you in your time of need.
Karin is also one of my C.O.P. Angel Prayer
Warriors. To put it short, "she is one of the best".
And I thank God everyday for sending me such a precious angel.
(Personal Note: Karin has resigned due to some health problems, lets keep her in prayer and good thoughts.)
We hope you enjoyed getting to know Karin!
The Women of Loth's writer for this
story was: Jessica
All graphics are ©Chozen's Graphics